Motherhood, the Nervous System, and What the First Year Taught Me
- kelita515
- Mar 1
- 7 min read
So here we are!!!!! The first year is complete and it really has been an adventure. I can honestly say I have loved every part of motherhood. The good and the not so good. It is such a blessing to experience it. I have loved learning my son, watching his personality develop, and realizing that I am growing right along with him.
For those who know our story, we were on a long five year journey trying to have a baby. It tested our hope, faith, and most of all our patience. There were highs and there were deep disappointments and over those five years the stress built up.
Living with Lupus and Hashimoto’s, I can’t ignore stress because my body responds to it quickly. My cortisol was elevated for a long time, and I went into flares more often. My system was actually stuck in survival mode!
With Hashimoto’s and Lupus, hair thinning can already be an issue. A few months after our son was here, around the third month in, I started noticing my hair was shedding more than usual. It turned out to be telogen effluvium......which happens after long periods of stress. A form of hair shedding that shows up after prolonged stress. My body was responding to everything it had been carrying for months, maybe even years.
Over those years of stress, nervous system regulation stopped being something I just studied and became something I had to actually put into practice every day. Through consistent lifestyle changes and awareness. Things I had learned would help, but I had to actually do them!
When I began intentionally lowering my cortisol and regulating my nervous system, I noticed my flares became less reactive and my body felt steadier overall. My midsection, which has always been the hardest area for me to lose weight, was slowly started to shift. I also started noticing a major reduction in inflammation throughout my body, so I knew I was on to something. Just keep being consistent!!!! With autoimmune disease......stress management, sleep, hormones, and inflammation are all connected. You have to do your research and then work.
When I became a mother, I already had a good understanding about the nervous system.....cortisol and how much even the energy of your home matters. Babies are born with an immature stress response system and the parts of their brain responsible for emotional regulation are still developing. They rely on co regulation.....which means..... they borrow our nervous systems! They respond to our tone, our breathing, and emotional energy around them. That does not mean parents have to be calm all the time, but it does mean awareness matters.
Because of my background in somatic movement and therapeutic sound, I had some understanding of how important the nervous system is. That made me want to be intentional in this first year with my son. Not from a place of knowing everything, but simply from wanting to learn how to create a calm, safe, and steady energy in our home.
When I can, I take my son outside or by the window a few mins after he wakes up so he gets natural morning light. That morning light helps set the circadian rhythm and healthy cortisol timing. If I am feeling overwhelmed, we go outside. If he is restless, we go outside. Nature has a rhythm, and the nervous system responds to that rhythm. Being in nature is a natural medicine for body, mind and spirit. Being around green trees and open space regulates me first, which helps me be a better support system for my son.
Obviously, being a sound facilitator, it won’t surprise you that sound and music are a big part of our home. Since my son was born, I’ve played soft brainwave therapy music during sleep and sometimes Spanish guitar, and in those early months I would play it during the day as well. I’m not saying it’s magic or a cure for anything, but research does show that slow and predictable sound can support the parasympathetic nervous system. That's the part of the body responsible for rest and relaxation. It can also help lower cortisol.
I’ve seen this firsthand, not just in our home but over the last five years of owning my studio. I’ve watched people come in carrying stress and leave feeling noticeably lighter. Some have been coming for years because they feel the difference and have made it part of their regular practice. It’s something I’ve witnessed again and again when sound is used consistently.
Around seven or eight months, I started letting my son explore my handpan. I’ve always played it for him, but I began placing it in front of him and letting him tap the different tones himself. He would sit there having fun and smiling, listening to the sounds he was creating. Now at a year old, he still enjoys exploring sound.
In our home we also play a lot of faith based music, both in English and in Spanish. I love playing different styles with different rhythms because music really does shift emotion and change how you feel. Some music is relaxing, other types are joyful, some make you want to dance, and some can even make you emotional.
When he was a baby I would sing and hum to him a lot. There is something about humming that feels so calming....just like a cat purring on your chest. Now that he is older, I dance with him and we just move together and laugh. It's simple, but it helps release energy and it's fun. Music in our home is not just background noise, it's a big part of our daily life.
In the evenings, we slow things down. We dim the lights and play gentle music. Most nights that works well, but of course there have been nights when it simply does not. If he skipped a nap or is overtired, there are moments when the crying feels intense and nothing seems to settle him right away. That is usually when I know his nervous system is completely dysregulated and I need to help bring him back to a place where he can feel safe and calm again.
On those nights, I will sometimes bring him into a warm shower with me. I keep the lights low, play soft ambient music, and hold him skin to skin while the warm water runs down his back. The combination of warmth, sound, and closeness that helps his body settle. Warm water naturally supports the parasympathetic nervous system, and more than once it has helped reset him when he could not get there on his own.
On our regular nights, once things are calm and we are winding down, we follow a simple routine. About an hour before bed, we apply a magnesium cream to support muscle relaxation and calm the body. We pray at night, which helps us slow down and feel grounded. When it is time for him to sleep, I play one of my favorite brainwave sleep tracks by Dr. Jeffrey Thompson. I have been listening to his music for about fifteen years, and his work is what first inspired me to learn more about sound and how it affects the brain. It’s fascinating!!!!!
As the months went on, I also started paying attention to how food was affecting his nervous system and sleep. It is easy to focus only on routines and sound, but what we feed our little ones matters just as much.
When we first started solids, I noticed that on days when his protein intake was lower, his sleep was more restless. Making sure he felt full and had stable blood sugar made a big difference. Even for little ones, that balance matters. Sometimes all it takes is an extra bottle of warm milk to make their little tummy feel at ease.
And with that in mind, I try to keep things calm during mealtimes when I can. I let him get messy and explore his food. We do not rush to wipe his hands or face. We sit together so he can watch us eat and interact. Sometimes we let him sit in his chair a little longer after eating so he is not rushed. It helps him slow down, chew his food, and be present with us.
More than anything, this year has taught us that there is no calming a child if we are not regulated! It's not easy.....you feel tired.....overwhelmed....and wishing you could put headphones on with some loud music blasting in your ears lol
We have certainly been tested and we have had our moments for sure! My husband and I both understand that this is a shared responsibility. If one of us feels overwhelmed, we say it. We give each other space to regulate. Stress will always exist. Stress will never be eliminated from life, but awareness changes how we handle things.
When I feel overwhelmed or not like myself, I let my husband know. Sometimes I take a day to reset. That might mean sitting outside, reading, writing, going to the beach, getting a massage, eating ice cream or simply sitting in silence with my dog. Small things that help me feel like myself again. I don't try to keep pushing myself in that state because I know my son will react off that energy.
There are also some simple little things I do that support me....my nervous system. I sometimes add a small amount of valerian tincture to my water because it gently supports the nervous system. I take magnesium in the evening, and my husband does as well. We try as best as we can to prioritize walking, movement, laughing, prayer, and protecting the peace in our home.
One of the biggest lessons motherhood has taught me is humility. Being a mother is not about believing you have all the answers. It is about being willing to keep learning even when you think you know it all, to adjust, to research and to grow with your child. Our children are not extensions of us. They are not here to become what we want them to be. They are their own person. Our role is to create a safe and supportive environment and guide them as best we can.
I do not have motherhood mastered by any means, but I do know that when we have awareness, regulate ourselves and feel grounded, we effect the people around us positively.
I'm looking forward to more adventures on this journey with my boy!
God bless all Moms, Dads and children!
If you’re interested in learning more about sound and the nervous system.....here are some medical journals that are pretty interesting!!!! Links Below
For anyone who has asked about specific products, I’ve created an Amazon store where I keep the things we use and trust: https://www.amazon.com/shop/mystical.oasis.healing
Très intéressant. Les plateformes numériques influencent les usages modernes. Plus d’informations sont disponibles sur le site web. Cela enrichit la compréhension.